Forget Me Not
by fabulouschat
Summary: Lance struggles to find out his place and where he belongs on the team, but with the constant negative thoughts and actions, Lance doesn't know anymore. He just wants to be free in a field of Forget Me Nots. But the scars littered on his skin, new and old, make it hard for the paladin to continue on. *TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE AND SELFHARM, DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE*


_When Lance was little, he would wait for the sun to set over the horizon and get a couple of hours of sleep before blinking his eyes open again. He'd run out of his room to get Veronica out of her own bed. He'd drag his older sister out to the beach his family lived close to, and made her sit there and tell him about space. The universe. The galaxy that laid before their eyes, not even tapping into the biggest discoveries that was in front of them. So close, but so far._

 _Veronica would just sigh and go along with it all. Unlike all their other siblings, Lance was the only one that was just as interested of the stories beyond the world as she was. They'd lay back on the sand, wiggling their toes near the water as Lance would point to the different constellations and Veronica named them. They went from Ursa Minor, Perseus, Auriga, and so on. Until she landed on Hercules, Lance would look at her with the widest, blue eyes she had ever seen._

 _"Do you think I will be as strong, and brave as Hercules?" he breathed out in wonder. Veronica had lifted her eyebrows, turning over on her side to look at him better._

 _"Why do you ask?" she whispered, though they were the only one's out there._

 _"We're leaving for America tomorrow." He whispered back. "I don't know how the other kids will like me...I'm scared." he admitted._

 _Veronica's eyes softened. "Oh Lance," she reached over to stroke her younger brother's hair. "The kids at the Garrison...they're going to love you." With that, they didn't speak another word until the moon was high over their heads, and decided to go back to the house. Never did they expect they'd be accomplishing the great things that the galaxy had to offer, and what dangers that faced them when they woke up the next morning to go to the airport._

 _Together, the two said goodbye to the family. Lance's mother had given him many kisses before going on the plane, his dad holding him in a tight hug. The rest of their siblings gathered Lance and Veronica in a hug. Finally, they all waved goodbye to each other as Veronica and Lance walked onto the plane, hand in hand._

 _Lance had settled into his seat, already pressing his face up against the window. "There's a whole world out there…" he had breathed out, being barely audible._

* * *

Lance's eyes shot open, his breath stuck in his throat, and his eyes watering from pain. Coughing, gasping for air, Lance put a hand on his chest to regain his focus. He took in his surroundings, and wasn't surprised by the outcome. As much as he wanted to wake up in his old room, with shells lining up against the walls and the sound of the ocean just outside his window, he faced just a blank room. Little devices that Pidge helped him build was the only things on the floor. The bathroom right across from his small bed. No window in sight.

Lance consciously felt his arms, flinching at his own touch. He traced the rehealed skin that formed bumps in his arms. He never knew why, but just even feeling them relaxed him. It disturbed him at first, that these things could give him such a relaxed feeling. Shaking his head to get rid of his own thoughts, Lance focused back to the room. His room.

Placing his feet on the cold floor, Lance got himself into his usual long sleeved shirt and jeans before making his way out of the room and into the darkened hallway. By what it seemed, everyone was still asleep. The latino wandered through the halls, not paying attention to where he was going. He found the ground more interesting at the moment. With the metal tiles, and the soft patting he made whenever he took a step. Peeking up to see where he was, he realized he had ended up in the Control Room.

The stars in front of him sparkled brightly, calling out to him. Checking over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't being followed, he walked up to the window. He put his hand against the glass, trying to get as close as he could to the world that had made him dream so big as a kid. He settled down to where he was, and just stared.

Oh, how he wished he could remember all the things Veronica had taught him before she continued on with her own studies at the Garrison. He took in a shaky breath, and closed his eyes. Listening to the hum of the ship as the night dragged on and on.

He didn't remember how long he had been sitting there until the lights of the castle flickered on. Lance slowly opened his eyes, the scene in front of him had not changed at all. Pushing himself up, Lance went back down the hall into the kitchen. The other paladins shuffling around each other to get their breakfast. No one seemed to notice him entering the room, which he shrugged off.

It happened a lot now a days. He didn't blame them. He wasn't that interesting anyways. Even though he grabbed a plate full of...of whatever was for breakfast this morning, he only shoved it around the plate in a bored manner. The sound of someone clapping made everyone look up, meeting eyes with the black paladin.

"Good morning crew. It seems to be a slow morning, but as far as we know, we're not expecting any attacks with the Galra today. So let's take the day to train." Pidge and Hunk groaned loudly, already exchanging annoyed looks with each other.

"Can't I just work, I don't know, help Coron with the castle instead?" Pidge asked, burying her fists in her cheeks.

"And can I work on some new recipes?" Hunk piped up, his eyes shining with hope. "If we're having a 'relaxation' day, it would be a good day to try them out."

Before Shiro could open his mouth to argue, the green and yellow paladin ran out of the room, giggling as they ran away to their destination. Shiro's gaze fell on Lance and Keith. "Do you guys have anything to say before we start?" Both shook their heads. "Great, let's get a move on then. I want you both in your armor and in the training room in ten minutes."

Lance followed Keith down the hall to where there rooms were located. Quickly slipping on his armor, Lance managed to get out the same time that Keith did. Lance trailed after the red paladin, holding back the normal taunts that he would use against Keith. Today, he just didn't have the energy to do the same. They met up with Shiro half way down to the training room, Keith and Shiro immediately starting a conversation. Lance didn't know about what, he didn't bother to strain his ears to listen in.. But he didn't really care at this point. It's not like he was expected to be included in that anyways. Afterall, he was just the seventh wheel. Behind everyone else, seeming to be the only one struggling to keep up with the team as they went forward with the constant war they fought against Zarkon.

Getting into the training room, Lance and Keith stood side by side as Shiro explained the exercise they were doing. Lance's attention drifted off somewhere else though. His thoughts went back to this morning, to the stars, to his home in Cuba, to his sister.

"-nce. -ance. Lance?" Shiro snapped, making Lance blink back into reality.

"Y-yes?"

"Were you listening?" Shiro crossed his arms over his chest, an annoyed look crossing over his face.

"Um...yes?" Lance didn't know how to answer, making sure to look anywhere but at Shiro. He could already feel Keith rolling his eyes. His heart skipped a painful beat. Lance just smiled with as much mental strength as he could muster.

"Just...start the exercise Keith." Shiro motioned for the red paladin to start. Summoning

his sword, Keith made his way to the middle of the room, Shiro joining him shortly. All of the sudden, the two broke out into a fight. Lance watched closely as Shiro activated his arm, a purple like glow going around the metal.

Shiro went for the first move, reaching out to grab Keith's neck. Using his sword to deflect the attack, Keith jumped back a little, holding his sword up in a defense position. As they continued to fight, Shiro used his arm to deflect the sword, try and use it to grab Keith. Keith was quick though, and was able to dodge most of the moves that Shiro tried to get the upper hand on. Moving quickly to the other side of Shiro, Keith thrust his sword forward towards Shiro's legs, managing to hit one of his leg's to get Shiro off balance.

Smiling in triumph, Keith's sword was engulfed in blue light as it went back into its original form of a bayard. Nodding in approval, Shiro waved Lance over. "Come on Lance, your turn." Getting back to his feet, Shiro waited as Keith retreated to the wall and Lance was in the place that Keith had last been in.

Summoning his energy blaster, Lance spread his feet apart and watched as Shiro came up and sat next to him. "Since you weren't listening, I'll explain it to you again. Your exercise is going to try and shoot the robot." He nodded to the mechanical being that stood far across the room. Focusing hard, Lance started shooting at the robot. The machine easily dodged it, charging towards the blue paladin. Noticing Shiro was no longer beside him, Lance slid to the side to avoid the kick of the robot.

Forming its own weapon, the machine started shooting at Lance in a crouched form. Getting out his shield to deflect the shots, Lance started firing back. He didn't know how long it had been with the shooting back and forth, but finally, he managed to shoot the robot in the head. Making it go 'dead'.

Panting heavily, Lance faced Shiro's eyes. The look that was being held in them made Lance inwardly flinch.

"Fifteen minutes." Shiro shook his head. "That's not okay Lance. You have to be quicker than that. The soldiers out there, won't hesitate to launch at you and _kill_ you."

"Shiro, I know-" Shiro held his hand up to avoid having Lance talk to him any longer. "We need you to be fully dedicated to this team as much as everyone else is." Lance wanted to drop his mouth and yell. Pidge and Hunk, weren't even here! Why was he being lectured at?

"I need to have you at a higher level than level ten, Lance." Shiro sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. "I can't have a useless paladin in the middle of the battlefield."

Right there, Lance swore he could hear his heart break in half. Before any of the conversation could continue, Allura's voice came over the room, making everyone go silent.

"Shiro, I need to speak with you in the control room." Her voice echoed off the walls. Giving the two paladin's one last look, Shiro exited the room, heading towards the control room. Seconds later, Keith followed, sending sharp glares towards Lance. As soon as Keith was gone, Lance laid down on the ground, taking in and letting out shaky breathes. His chest clenched painfully, and he didn't dare blink his eyes, not wanting to let the unshed tears slide down his cheeks.

He didn't know how long he was on the floor, struggling to control his emotions. Nor did he remember when he returned to his room, making sure the door was completely closed behind him before collapsing on his bed. He heaved his painful breathes, realizing how much it hurt to even breathe.

He sat up to take off his shirt and jeans, letting his hands roam around his own body. He didn't have a mirror for this specific reason. He felt the bumps of scars that healed many times over. Some overran the others, some were really big, others fairly small. Building up on his body over the many years that he had came into America. All the pain of his past, so many secrets, so many things he wish he could scream. He knew that wasn't going to happen here though, not in space, not with the other paladin's.

His hand went into his pillow, carefully feeling around for his desired treasure. Pulling out a small razor, he released a shaky breath as he stared at it. He had lasted ten months and a couple of weeks without doing it. First when he found out when he was lost in space, with no way to return. But now, it was more with pain. More with being lonely and yearning to be loved in some way. To be shown some sort of affection. He knew it wasn't going to happen though.

Closing his eyes, Lance slid the razor over his already damaged skin, his eyes watering at the familiar relief. He laid there as he watched the blood slip around his arm, acting as a sort of bracelet that was ready to be worn to some fun party. A skin tattoo sort of. Closing his eyes, he managed to get out of the bed and into the bathroom to clean up his fresh wound. As he covered the cut, as it disappeared behind the gauze. Lance broke down into sobs, hugging his knees close to him as he cried out the hate that he felt for himself.


End file.
